-private emotion...

no one gonna love you, yourself like you do...

and often we forget that..
of course, family and God love you too,
however, if you, yourself not loving yourself enough,
it's waste of their love...

our vocation is to love;
God, one another, family and friends,
and even enemies!
but then, have you ever thought of loving yourself first?

loving the way you look,
loving the way you behave,
loving every gifts and flaws you have,
loving the real you inside and not the one you try to portray...
loving the way when you're happy,
every little moment of your bliss,
loving the way when you're sad or hurting,
every little thing that brings you sorrow,
loving you, yourself more than you can ever imagine...

people may come and go,
some will love you and some will not,
but if you realize that you have your own love,
asides from those who matters,
you'll always be in love...
always...

remind yourself this whenever you feel there's no love for you,

no one gonna love you, yourself like you do...

Percy Sledge - When A Man Loves A Woman

When a man loves a woman
Can't keep his mind on nothing else
He'll trade the world
For the good thing he's found
If she's bad he can't see it
She can do no wrong
Turn his back on his best friend
If he put her down

When a man loves a woman
Spend his very last dime
Tryin' to hold on to what he needs
He'd give up all his comfort
Sleep out in the rain
If she said that's the way it ought to be

Well, this man loves a woman
I gave you everything I had
Tryin' to hold on to your precious love
Baby, please don't treat me bad

When a man loves a woman
Down deep in his soul
She can bring him such misery
If she plays him for a fool
He's the last one to know
Lovin' eyes can't ever see

When a man loves a woman
He can do no wrong
He can never own some other girl
Yes when a man loves a woman
I know exactly how he feels
'Cause baby, baby, baby, you're my world

When a man loves a woman.....

-Valentine's Day...

->>>> this post might sound cheesy to some people, so if you want to read it, read it with your own risk!! ^_^
.......................................................................................................................................

alas, the time for the celebration of love has come... erk, why this statement sound so wrong to me?? hmm.. it is as if that people are celebrating love only on V-day and all the other days are hmm well normal..

for me, of course every day you should show your love to your loved ones but then V-day is probably something more special kan.. it is like the reminder that you love someone coz maybe your someone don't realize it during any other day... a reminder to someone that they are dear to you and they have a special place in your heart.. well, who don't want to be reminded that there are someone who loves you right? hehe...

it is my first time celebrating Valentine's Day this year but the sad thing is we're not celebrating it together.. distance has been our divider and financial is our major concern.. both of us are still students and yea, we don't have much options..

Kay, i'm sorry that i couldn't be there with you and please know that i truly feel bad about it.. whatever it is, i miss you and i love you.. i'm happy that you're my other half and i pray that the future will be bright for our relationship.. the more i know you lately, the more proud i am of you.. though sometimes maybe i didn't show much of my feelings, rest assured that you are very dear to me and you have been a blessing.. remember that i'm want to be your pillar and lean on me whenever you need someone.. i promise not to always be by your side whenever you're in hardship coz i'm no superman.. but i promise i will do everything in my might to sustain you in your time of trials so that you can become a strong and aspiring person your own.. i have faith in you..

so Kay, happy Valentine's Day and SarangHae.. =)

and this post is my present to you...

-a mother's love....

Mother marches 2,000km to save son

A 55-year-old woman in central China marched a total of 2,000km in seven months to lose weight and save the life of her son.

According to Bernama, which quoted China's Xinhua news agency Wednesday, Chen Yurong walked about 10km a day after being told her 31-year-old son, Ye Haibin, needed a liver transplant.

Her liver was not suitable because it had accumulated too much fat, doctors had told her in February.

In an effort to get her liver into shape, Chen marched along a dyke near her home in Jiang'an District, Hubei Province, everyday. She also went on a diet, only eating rice and vegetables.

She eventually lost 8kg. On Oct 19, doctors said her liver had reached the standard for the transplant.

In a 14-hour operation at the Tongji Hospital under Huazhong University of Science and Technology in Wuhan, the provincial capital, on Tuesday, Chen gave part of her liver to her son.

for more click here!!

God could not be everywhere and therefore He made mothers.
- Jewish Proverb

-things i try to comprehend...

i'm not the best person when it's come to love,

it's not my forte, yet it's not weakness too,
i'm not an experienced lover, i'm still a learner.

i'm,
learning how to open up myself much more freely,
learning how to accept and care of the new person in my life,
learning how to trust and to have faith on someone,
learning how to give my commitment and expect nothing in return,
learning how to love, unconditionally,
there's a lot to learn,
and i'm learning.

i always believe that honesty is one of the key to a good relationship,
to become honest with yourself is the first step,
to your spouse is the next one,
because when you're being honest,
you reveal the core of your being;
your weaknesses, vulnerabilities and insecurities,
your strength, confidences and capabilities,
so then there's no more room for doubt,
coz the other person will accept you for who you truly are.

it's not easy to build a strong friendship,
and it's not easy to build a solid relationship either,
it needs two hands to produce a clap,
for we are two persons,
but with one strong mutual feelings,
we gonna make it work,
let's do it now!

-Abau's story...

it's been a while...
yeap it is.. among the reasons why i'm so lazy updating my blog is coz my blog got a problem, if u notice my blogger friends' links not functioning... so kinda lost the enthusiasm of blogging b'coz of this..

excuses... i know, i know...

well, many things had changed for the past few weeks, owh did i mention major drastic change?? it all begin during the Raya hols, we went to the ICG at Johore, and guess what? i received the biggest surprise that i could never think of... there's this girl hmm let's call her abau for a while...

oh yeah, btw ICG was super fun, educational and memorable... oh i forgot embarrassing too.. why? coz i was chosen as a representative of my diocese to become a runaway model... oh no, i don't do modelling.. my friends had to do it too.. kind of "paksa rela" thinggy.. for the sake of my final year memories, i'm ready to be booed by people, read: guys only.. hehe.. adei, seriously that time i felt like i wanna hide myself under the curtain, but there was no curtain around, so being a professional, (its ok if u feel u wanna puke, that's my intention anyway hehe) i had to walk confidently on the stage... result? i didn't won it.. as expected aite.. hoho..

there were plenty of other memories too, but i guess i'm the only one would be so ecstatic about it..

oh yeah, regarding abau, well, she's the girl that i fond of before ICG.. she's still doing her practical at Miri for the time being, so i wouldn't expect to meet her at Johore.. but then, there she was that night, surprising me with her presence.. at first sight, i thought i saw an angel, but then i realize she's an abau.. abau is hantu or ghost btw... but she's a special kind of abau..

to make a very very very long story short, i confessed my feelings to her the next night... ahaha.. it's not a sudden or rush decision oo.. i thought about it way earlier but i never thought i would met her that early.. yeah, there were few sweet words and moments during my confession in front on Mother Mary's Grotto that time.. even God was at my side, the night were cold and serene, a perfect condition for an unexpected confession from me.. huhu.. nervous? of course i am.. but God gave me strength, thanks..

the words that i used? yada yada yada.. can ask her later but i doubt it if she still remember.. hehe.. but the last words were err "would you be my other half?".. i don't know where i got that from, blame the tv.. huhu.. n she quietly answered, yes.. a very quite one that i had to ask her to say it a bit louder.. haha.. so there it was, the moment of my first love begun.. 12.02 am 21st/09/09... today is the 2nd week already.. =)

well, if you think i'm cheesy enough to write about this in my blog, well i am.. love make you more childish isn't it.. i'm doing all the things that i never thought i would before.. guess that's what they call it the power of love.. ehee... kan cyg? haha..

oh yeah, that girl, that abau, her name is Kay.. my Kay, my abau and my girl.. if you ever reading this abau, never doubt my feelings, for you are my first love.. the one that i seek for a long time...
guess that we're now walking hand in hand in this road of life... let's hope we'll walk to the end of it.. the future may be uncertain, but i believe it's me and it's you that will make everything.. God is willing...



cyg u... =)

-Corinthians 13-

¹If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. ²If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. ³If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing.

⁴Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. ⁵It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. ⁶Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. ⁷It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

⁸Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. ⁹For we know in part and we prophesy in part, ¹⁰but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears. ¹¹When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. ¹²Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

¹³And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

as i grow older,

i would be lying to say if i say i don't feel alone,

yeah, sometimes i do,

i do need to be loved and love too,

i'm a big boy already,

i am...

its a risk to fall into love,

the fear of your fragile heart might break later,

but its the risk that everyone should take,

for what its worth,

it'll mature you no matter how,

sometimes we should know that story not necessarily have a happy ending,

life isn't a fairy tale,

its the journey of the life itself, the story line,

that made it significant, that made it special,

happiness and sadness may follow along the way,

that's the recipe of life after all,

one cannot exist without the existence of the other,

its a dual intervention to life,

alas for me,

i'll wait for you,

coz i know now you're waiting for me too,

and we'll see where this road will lead us,

will we be walking together along a single road,

or will we be walking a different road upon arriving a junction,

we wouldn't know,

now let's just walk, hand in hand,

knowing that we still have each other,

that would be enough for now...

miss you!!!

-Hari Bapak...

Pak,

i have a confession to make,

i hope you never read this,

seriously....



the thing is,

i love someone more than i love you,

yeah, i know u are my bapak,

but pak, i love you less than i love her,

that's the truth,

and it will always be like that,

my feelings for her will never alter...



we had a rough relationship,

hmm, its your fault,

ok, mine too, we both are two stubborn guys,

we just have to admit it,

that's where her role come,

comforting as she is,

like a bridge that connect us both,

that's why i love her...

you know...



but Pak,

i love you too,

it just a little less,

i know your hardship,

i hope you see mine too,

and i know you did,

you struggle a lot,

work a lot,

you did what a father should do,

you wanna try your best,

and i know sometimes the situations are against you,

so chill for a while Pak,

hang on there,

everthing will change,

put your trust on your son,

he know what he's doing ok..



so Pak,

the woman just now,

i love her more,

and i know you love her so much too,

luckily we don't have to fight to get her attention,

Mak, we love you,

Pak, Happy Father's Day...

My Beloved Parents...

-for the best people on earth...

people need love.

yeah they do.
they need to know somebody love them.
they need to know somebody care for them.
they need to know somebody to share the love with.

i'm homesick now by the way.
people say being 20 something is making you an adult.
yes, i am.
but then, to me i will always be my parents little boy.
logic. coz as i grow older, so are they.
the relative difference of our age along with time progress will always absolute.
thus, that makes me always their little one.
just that i grow bigger. that's all.

i feel there's a sign of fever inside of me.
i'm panic. Not!.
being in a boarding school and spent most of my teen years away from my family,
i can say that i'm a well independent man.
yes, i am.

i know what to do when things like this happen.
instead, i'm becoming a little child once more.
i called my mother. ask what medicine should i eat.
which type of panadols or uphamol should i take.
not that i don't know.
it just that it felt really nice to consult my mother.

the way she talked.
the way she gave advices.
the way she showed her concern and care.
its a relief to the heart. knowing that;
somebody love you.
somebody care you.
and somebody will never leave you.

its a not wrong to be childish once in a while.
especially towards our parents.
coz its our nature.
and i'm exploiting the best gift God has given me.
my parents.

oh yeah. i'm my mummy boy.

and i'm proud of it.

and dad. Happy Belated Birthday. love you too.

-The Invitation

It doesn't interest me what you do for a living. I want to know what you ache for and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart's longing.

It doesn't interest me how old you are. I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool for love, for your dream, for the adventure of being alive.

It doesn't interest me what planets are squaring your moon. I want to know if you have touched the centre of your own sorrow, if you have been opened by life's betrayals or have become shrivelled and closed from fear of further pain.

I want to know if you can sit with pain, mine or your own, without moving to hide it, or fade it, or fix it.

I want to know if you can be with joy, mine or your own; if you can dance with wildness and let the ecstasy fill you to the tips of your fingers and toes without cautioning us to be careful, be realistic, remember the limitations of being human.

It doesn't interest me if the story you are telling me is true. I want to know if you can disappoint another to be true to yourself. If you can bear the accusation of betrayal and not betray your own soul. If you can be faithless and therefore trustworthy.

I want to know if you can see Beauty even when it is not pretty every day. And if you can source your own life from its presence.

I want to know if you can live with failure, yours and mine, and still stand at the edge of the lake and shout to the silver of the full moon, 'Yes.'

It doesn't interest me to know where you live or how much money you have. I want to know if you can get up after the night of grief and despair, weary and bruised to the bone and do what needs to be done to feed the children.

It doesn't interest me who you know or how you came to be here. I want to know if you will stand in the centre of the fire with me and not shrink back.

It doesn't interest me where or what or with whom you have studied. I want to know what sustains you from the inside when all else falls away.

I want to know if you can be alone with yourself and if you truly like the company you keep in the empty moments.

-The Invitation- Oriah Mountain Dreamer

i read this poem few days back and it stroked my heart deeply...ouch!! haha.. it makes me realize that this is the way how love should be... without expectation, standards to be followed but rather a mystery to be learnt and solved...

i do admit that i do have expectations when it comes to spouse matter (tell me who's not?!!).. and my friends are accusing (i choose this word rather than blaming coz well, truth is hurt, is it not?) me being a choosy dude.. which in fact i am.. its not that i want to be with someone as hot as Adriana Lima (you guys know i'm deeply in love with this girl) but rather someone that could fulfill what my life lacking of...

some people will go and chase after someone and be in love and then what? they separate coz they said there's no chemistry between them, they're not match made in heaven and etc.. all those same excuses just because they want to get rid of another person.. some ending up regreting the choice of their life and regreting won't lead us to no where too.. its the dot.. literally..

someone you love is someone you are going to spend the rest of your life with for goodness sake.. that's for me a very solid reason why we must choose wisely too... of course then we shouldn't be too choosy and expect that someone to score a perfect 10 on our requirements.. think do we fulfill their own requirements too?

i learn something.. and i'll remind myself with that.. some basic requirements of most guys seek:

• someone who can cook. (well, that's what their in-laws are expecting too and its great to have a home made meal rather than outside meals)
• someone who respect us and our family.(of course this is the vital part, especially in my family, where bonding we have close bonding, i can't imagine leaving my family just because my spouse not in sync with them)
• someone who accept us as we are. (and yeah we do will accept as you are.. it something like accepting each other vices)
• someone who will be there for us in time of our need.(its the best feeling to see the face of our spouse (if the marriage us not wreck) waiting at the door greeting us with the warm smile and a litte massage too.. hehe.. all the tiredness of works will be blown away)
• someone who will love and love unconditionally.(in time of a ralationship, of course there will be ups and downs.. lucks and dooms.. so, regardless of whatever the situation is, she will stay together to face it all)

well, the list might go and on but i believe these are some part of what we want (for me as far as i'm concerned).. yeah, i'm a typical Asian dude you see.. and then as written in the invitation, i wouldn't care this and that, i'm just hoping to meet someone who like me, trying to live my life to the fullest and cherish it..

darn it.. well, its a romance post again.. February oh February please fly away...
– for without WOMEN, MEN will never be able to witness this beauty of life alone! – as quoted from As I See It...

-it's heaven on earth...

Oh, thinkin' about all our younger years
There was only you and me
We were young and wild and free
Now nothin' can take you away from me
We've been down that road before
But that's over now
You keep me comin' back for more

CHORUS:
Baby you're all that I want
When you're lyin' here in my arms
I'm findin' it hard to believe
We're in heaven
And love is all that I need
And I found it there in your heart
It isn't too hard to see
We're in heaven

Oh, once in your life you find someone
Who will turn your world around
Bring you up when you're feelin' down
Yeah, nothin' could change what you mean to me
Oh, there's lots that I could say
But just hold me now
'Cause our love will light the way

CHORUS

I've been waitin' for so long
For somethin' to arrive
For love to come along
Now our dreams are comin' true
Through the good times and the bad
Yeah, I'll be standin' there by you

CHORUS

-Heaven by Brian Adams-

been listening to this song repetitively lately... there's some sort of lost feeling creeps in the nook of this tiny heart of mine... and the yearning to have someone keeps come and go... at one moment 'whoah, its great to be alone.. i'm mr independent' and yet sometimes 'i need somebody to love and know that somebody thinking of me now'.... well, that sort of moment...

and i got nobody to blame but me... yea, sometimes chances knock the door and what did i do? i hush them away.. sometimes opportunities are on the side of the road and yet what did i do? i didn't bother to take notice and pass them by... being me, i didn't open my own eyes to really see and i do believe in karma.. and you know what i mean.. so, learn from my silly mistakes..

this is not some kind of desparado post.. no, i'm not desperate.. i'm still considering at the time being i'm just ok.. all i'm doing is looking into myself and this is the reminder how foolish i really am... i don't know the right or wrong things in this matter so i keep on drowning myself in this ocean of emotions... and i pray out there there's still someone to offer her hands to me...

oh how February sometimes bad for me...

-What i discover...

if you found someone who treats you the way you treat them or even in a much better way, appreciate them, keep them, coz its hard to find such people...

if you never know how long your love would last, don't even start it...
it may last in a short while...

if you are not committed to love someone as the first time, don't even start it...
the feelings may fade...

if you are in love with someone, and afraid that someday it might hurt you,
don't even start it...
it will..

if you care someone too much, and they don't even bother...
expect it coz it always like that...

if you find out that they no longer the one you used to know...
expect it coz they say people change...

if they begin to walking away from your life...
expect it coz they might found someone better...

and last but not least,
if you love someone,
and that someone leave you,
remember the one that you love,
not the one that leave you...

-Fear factor...

the other day, i read a book... regarding the power of mind i think...
and i read upon an interesting articles which was about the motivation of our action...
it is much easier if i describe it in form of story, so, here goes:

Scene 1

Minah is young, sweet girl with a great carrier.. though she is blessed with a good look and a successful life, yet she's having a relationship problem which is she never have one.. ironic huh?? this because she's so afraid of rejection that whenever she come across a guy she adore, she never confessed.. if she think of being in relationship with somebody, she's afraid of being dumped.. so, she choose to stay single---alone... we can see that she places the fear of rejection more than the fear of being alone...

image for deco purpose only

Scene 2
Dara is another girl living in the upper east side of the town (pengaruh Gossip Girls sungguh)..
She is a socialite, outgoing and a perfect example of a sanguine girl.. she's pretty and new arrival is a must to have for her... and yeah, in term of relationship, she's having a problem with that too... she's having an on and off kinda relationship because guy usually dump her first due to her 'high maintenance'.. but she don't give any shit about that.. she will continue to hunt other guys without fearing of their rejection.. this is because she's more afraid of being alone rather than being rejected (well, imagine someone like Paris Hilton, being alone is so not hot ok)...

image for deco purpose only

Conclusion:
as you have read, both Minah and Dara are having the same problem->suck in relationship... but how they deals with it is determine by which fear they prioritize more.. rejection or being alone?? and this factor which will govern their attitude and way of life (where relationship thinggy is concerned of course)... yeap, a lot of people have their own greatest fear regardless of how mature or how strong you are, there must a weak point somewhere.. its how we deal with those fear that will made things differ... it took a lot of courage because our fear is one with us, confronting our fear meaning confronting ourselves... which by the way is hell as tough...

as for me, i used to fear rejection so much (thats why i never was a successful womanizer) but then, when i come to think of it, i'll never know the result unless i try.. hurt as it might be when we are being rejected but we learnt about life from that.. even Jesus himself was being rejected by his people once you see.. and yet, He faced it.. not that i'm so afraid of being alone la (don't pandai2 make assumption first aa).. just that, so far everything is neutral.. and wanna know what i fear most now??

.
.
.
.
.
.

failure in studies... the feeling is like being dumped by superhot Adriana Lima..ouch!!
(as if i have the experience) haha..
MUAHH!!

-Happy S.A.D Day!!!

well, its not that sad of course.. it's Single Awareness Day.. gaga.. well, yeah i'm celebrating it again this year.. for the ** time in my life... hehe.. i almost forgot about today well someone wish me just now and that remind me that ermm, well i'm still single.. heh2...

if you guys want to know about the origin, you can read my previous post...

being single is still good (well, of course that's what all singleton will say)... it just that for me,I've been wondering (the effect of having a critical thinking) till when will i be like this (till this coming holiday i hope :p)... in retrospect, i'd missed a lot of chances that can be done together with someone that i love during my youth day... (ehem not that i'm feeling very old now, it just that things you do in twenties and teen years somehow have different feelings is it not??) you know the kind of innocent events that could make you giggles when you are old... heh2...

looking at the bright side (yeap here goes another words to sooth myself huhu), i believe that being single teaches us to appreciate someone more once we are in love... i mean, hey the presence of someone after the long years of you being a lonely ranger sure gives a big impact to you right?? if we're seriously into it of course... whilst some people will still appreciate their freedom more and committed to other things...

anyway, its not the time for me to perplex about this... i got paper tomorrow morning and ya, its kinda a killer paper... better i worry about that kan.. fyi, i studied the wrong subject last night coz i thought its tomorrow paper, and it turns out to be the other paper.. darn..

before i forgot, hmm, Happy Single Awareness Day to all singleton out there (including my wisher just now) and being single is still good aite.. heh2.. cherish your life in whatever situation be it single or couple, as long as you know how to spark it,your life will be great... perhaps you can celebrate it like what my wisher and her girlfriends doing now.. heh2..

-p/s I love you...

wanna do some bet?? heh2.. ok here how it goes, go to your closest friend or friend and say that you love them.. simple instructions aite but difficult to be done i guess.. for some of course..

you see, what i wanna say is how we (asians basically) see the meaning behind those three words.. usually we see it as words which used by lovers (only) to express their deep feelings toward their spouse... it seems to be a bit awkward for us to say i love you to a friend regardless of male/female (whatmore if they are male, all of sudden you will be labelled as homo at the end of day)..

when i watch foreign movies (no spesification here coz i don't want to be bias oo) a friend will say those three magical words to others as a sign of appreciation and that they care and love them.. not just love as in a mutual relationship.. if only we can view and accept it that way...yea i know its not our norm to express our feelings (again asian basically) but hey what harms would come if we do so..

because love not only happen between you and your spouse or family but it also grows in your friendship... i wonder how a girl friend would react if i say that words to her, i think in her mind "hello are you serious??! do you really like me?".. well, of course i like you as a friend and i want to tell you that i love your being, your presence around me.. but not that love that will lead us into a serious relationship.. same goes to guys friends, they will say "whoah dude, are you out of your mind??".. love as in friendship is different from love as in heterosexual relationship but still it is love.. you get what i mean?? akin to saying that you love your father/mother...

there's a teacher of mine during high school who is famous with her trademark " Love, Rabiah" at every cards/works she marked... come to think of it again, did i ever say i love her back?? erkk no.. gosh she's been spreading love to all of her students and i just realize that how many that would reply back her love.. yea i know that there's a saying that says that when you love someone, you expect nothing in return but don't you think it would be a nice feeling when you know that actually there's someone who do care and love you back... hmm...

back to the topic, well, i know i've been talking boldly about this matter and frankly speaking even myself don't do this stuff..there's still a fear or bizarre feelings to say the words to other people.. i admit it.. but if you think deeply, if there's a friend whom you treasure and love dearly, who makes significance meaning in your life, why is it so hard to say it before it too late..you know what i mean by too late.. only God knows what may comes in the future...

well, people it might be a bit odd but what the heck..

-Dearest you...

I feel like I never measure up to you
Sometimes I feel I can't give you
All the love you need
You keep changing everyday
Amazing me in every way

If I could be the perfect man in your eyes
I would give all I'm worth to be a part of your life
I could promise the world
But it's out of my hands
I can only give you everything I have

I never dreamed I could ever feel the way I do
I hope and pray I will always be enough for you
I can only do my best
I have to trust you with the rest

I promise I will hold you
Through the changes and fears
When life seems unclear
And when I can't be right there with you
I know there's angels by your side

Everything I have
-Clay Aiken-

I'd gathered all my might to call you just now,
and it was worth it,
i'm glad i heard your voice,
though it was brief and short,
but it's my best two minutes call...
HAPPY 21st BIRTHDAY!!!

-definitely, maybe...

i'm not so into romantic movies coz well, spare the details later.. haha.. neway, i've just watched this sweet romantic movie entitled movie "Definitely, maybe"...yeah, its a great movie, able to make me smile at certain time... hehe.. yalo jiwang a bit sometimes is not wrong aite.. and it makes me think...

sometimes we met few wrong person in life before we landed to right one... you got me?? so does it mean i should open my self up to relationship and just let everything falls into places by its own... well, if she's not the one then there must be one out there... somewhere where her existence is yet to be revealed to us by the higher power above... so is it the same like trials and errors test?? hhmmm...

the thing is I've seen many people who just engage in a relationship in a blink of an eye.. youth nowadays, how do this people know that she/he is the one for her/him?? everything happens so fast and at the end of the day there's a couple already... are they being driven by their infatuation which later turns into love or maybe not... are they just committed to such relationship without thinking how long it might last? and the list of consequences goes on and on...

i'm a complicated person who thinks too much..yea, that's me... and i know thinking so much and trying to be so secure in my own comfort zone without daring to take any risks or chances won't get me anywhere... and i have my own reasons for that... which might sound ridiculous to some so just let it known by me only...

but there's this girl i adore whom i admired for quite a long time and still now... and i believe anytime this year, i should confess to her... gosh, did i really just said that.. but awkwards as it maybe coz for 3 years long i'd met her just once, talked to her for few precious hours and few msgs somewhere along the time frame... i told you its hard coz even the situation is not siding to my side.. i'm gambling on the odds.. God i really need you at that time.. hoho...

so, thats it.. neaa.. you see what happen to me once i get this jiwang syndrom.. that's why i hate romantic movies... so' i'll end this post with some words taken from the movie for guys out there who clueless for ideas on what to say when you wanna propose your love... :)


"i wanna marry you because you are the first person i want to look at when i wake up in the morning, and the only one i wanna kiss good night...
because the first time that i saw these hands,
i couldn't imagine not being able to hold them...
but mainly, when you love someone as mich as i love you,
getting married is the only thing left to do...
so, will you.. umm.. marry me?"

"definitely, maybe... i'll have to think about it" (not the answer you wanna hear of course :p)

-confused...

i earnestly hate myself now.. for not being able to figure myself out...
i thought everything has been sorted out...
it just infatuation i thought... its like impossible for me to be with you.. really...
you there and i'm here... we never even have a long conversation.. on our own...
and maybe sometimes you did made it clear that; hello, i'm not interested in you...
i saw it and perhaps i didn't understand...i don't want to understand...
coz sometimes i think as i move on with this life...
the thought of you, made me stumble.. over and over again...
yeah, you'll never know my feelings, maybe i've shown it...
you saw it and you didn't understand.. maybe you don't want to understand...
perhaps i still haven't found someone who can take your place...
will there ever be one??
being a sore loser myself, i know my position well...
i'm just a one lame, plain guy who still searching for myself...
still believe in putting up hope, though i knew the answer already...
right know, if i'm being given just one wish...
my wish is to be with you...
and i know that it would never be true...

But hold your breath
Because tonight will be the night
that I will fall for you over again
Don't make me change my mind
I won't live to see another day
I swear it's true
Because a girl like you is impossible to find
You're impossible to find

Fall For You
by Secondhand Serenade

-Just when i thought...

love like this only happen in movies.. they show me this...

NYGirlOfMyDreams.Com
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more details of the story
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Click here

well, thats one thing that rarely happens in our life..

or is it because we never even try to create one??

-something for my future spouse..

I'll be -Edwin McCain-

The strands in your eyes that color them wonderful
Stop me and steal my breath
Emeralds from mountains thrust toward the sky
Never revealing their depth
Tell me that we belong together
Dress it up with the trappings of love
I'll be captivated
I'll hang from your lips
Instead of the gallows of heartache that hang from above

Chorus:
I'll be your crying shoulder
I'll be your love suicide
and I'll be better when I'm older
I'll be the greatest fan of your life

Rain falls angry on the tin roof
As we lie awake in my bed
You're my survival, you're my living proof
My love is alive not dead
Tell me that we belong together
Dress it up with the trappings of love
I'll be captivated I'll hang from your lips
Instead of the gallows of heartache, that hang from above

Repeat Chorus

I've been dropped out, burned up, fought my way back from the dead
Tuned in, turned on, Remembered the things that you said

Repeat Chorus