sa teda duit mo kawen...

tsk tsk tsk....

i've been doubting to write since forever and then, what the heck... it's my blog anyway and it's for my own reading in the future too.. as a remembrance of how my life had been and how i survive through it all..

now, i'm basically 24 years old of age and this coming 12th July is my 1 year anniversary of working.. yada! and yet, sad thing is i still haven't got suffice saving for myself or maybe none. darn! i dunno what happen to my money.. my earning is ok.. still..

yeap, i have a house to pay.. last year when i just start working, i'm buying a house for my family under my name with my parents.. it's a cool house, a double story corner (which me myself haven't sleep in there yet).. well, every month i need to pay for most of the payment which is rather big for a newbie in the working world.. i'm not taking it as a burden coz i know the condition of my family, our nett income as a whole, so it is ok for me.. i'm the eldest.. so what else can i expect, the ball is on me now..

and the money, yes, most of it are going out.. i really hope i can keep it! still, there are times when i envy people who have saving.. i should learn and do it instantly.. no excuses.. right?! yes, sometimes you know, i do want to spend my money for myself too like the others.. buying stuffs that i've been longing.. a transport for myself to be precise, now.. one year of working and i still haven't got my own transport.. i tumpang people and sometimes i just walk going and coming back from the plant.. i do feel bitter bout it but then i understand the whole situation and take a grasp on whatever beliefs i have to make me strong and just don't bother about it..

every now and then, i believe, if i see this financial thinggy as a problem, it will never end unless other wise i'm looking at it differently and start planning something about it.. right now, it still feels like being in uni. kejap ada duit kejap teda.. kalo teda, makan maggi la geng.. haha..

i always remind myself to not allow this whole things make me feel troubled and i believe i can survive through this.. so stan, you are able lah.. (there you go again, self advice to myself)

and lately i've been listening to a sabahan song by Jimmy Palikat, adui btul2 untuk sa oo skrang.. anak kampung..



so, susah la mo kawen ni kalo duit teda.. haha.. mo cari gf pun jgn mimpi la dulu.. haha..

peeps, bersyukurlah dgn apa yang ko ada sekarang.. if you think life is hard, there are other people living a more difficult life than you, same goes to me..

whatever it is, God will provides and i put my trust in that.

-few reasons...

among the reasons why i love my family;
coz they said this to me:
"mun ko susah, jangan takut mok madah, biar kita sama2 susah"
trnsltn: "if you are in hardship, don't be afraid to tell, let's face hardship together"

among the reasons why i love my best friend;
coz he said this to me:
"mun ko susah, jangan takut, kawan kau kan ada"
trnsltn:"if you are in hardship, don't be afraid, your friend is here"

among the reasons why i love my God after all this;
coz He said this to me:
"So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."
Isaiah 41:10

-Hari Bapak...

Pak,

i have a confession to make,

i hope you never read this,

seriously....



the thing is,

i love someone more than i love you,

yeah, i know u are my bapak,

but pak, i love you less than i love her,

that's the truth,

and it will always be like that,

my feelings for her will never alter...



we had a rough relationship,

hmm, its your fault,

ok, mine too, we both are two stubborn guys,

we just have to admit it,

that's where her role come,

comforting as she is,

like a bridge that connect us both,

that's why i love her...

you know...



but Pak,

i love you too,

it just a little less,

i know your hardship,

i hope you see mine too,

and i know you did,

you struggle a lot,

work a lot,

you did what a father should do,

you wanna try your best,

and i know sometimes the situations are against you,

so chill for a while Pak,

hang on there,

everthing will change,

put your trust on your son,

he know what he's doing ok..



so Pak,

the woman just now,

i love her more,

and i know you love her so much too,

luckily we don't have to fight to get her attention,

Mak, we love you,

Pak, Happy Father's Day...

My Beloved Parents...

-for the best people on earth...

people need love.

yeah they do.
they need to know somebody love them.
they need to know somebody care for them.
they need to know somebody to share the love with.

i'm homesick now by the way.
people say being 20 something is making you an adult.
yes, i am.
but then, to me i will always be my parents little boy.
logic. coz as i grow older, so are they.
the relative difference of our age along with time progress will always absolute.
thus, that makes me always their little one.
just that i grow bigger. that's all.

i feel there's a sign of fever inside of me.
i'm panic. Not!.
being in a boarding school and spent most of my teen years away from my family,
i can say that i'm a well independent man.
yes, i am.

i know what to do when things like this happen.
instead, i'm becoming a little child once more.
i called my mother. ask what medicine should i eat.
which type of panadols or uphamol should i take.
not that i don't know.
it just that it felt really nice to consult my mother.

the way she talked.
the way she gave advices.
the way she showed her concern and care.
its a relief to the heart. knowing that;
somebody love you.
somebody care you.
and somebody will never leave you.

its a not wrong to be childish once in a while.
especially towards our parents.
coz its our nature.
and i'm exploiting the best gift God has given me.
my parents.

oh yeah. i'm my mummy boy.

and i'm proud of it.

and dad. Happy Belated Birthday. love you too.

-Dear God...

bless the soul of my great grandma o Lord...
who has gone to your place last night...
to you Father i surrender everything...
my sorrow, my grief and my feeling of lost...
i know happy should i be...
for she has gone to meet you...
Our Father in heaven...
bless her soul...

The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not be in want.
He makes me lie down in green pastures,
He leads me beside quiet waters
He restores my soul.
He guides me in paths of righteousness for his name's sake
Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil, for you are with me;
your rod and your staff, they comfort me
You prepare a table before me
in the presence of my enemies.
You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows.
Surely goodness and love will follow me
all the days of my life,
and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.
PSALM 23

-a little prayer..

God bless the poor,
for now life is getting much harder for them,
everything has become much more expensive,
for sure there's a lot of things playing in their mind,
the fuel price has gone up high,
so do other things will follow,
they think how they are going to survive,
some of their income are not changing,
yet all their daily necessities price keep increasing,
the father worries,
will his income will be sufficient enough for his family,
there's so many mouth to be fed,
so many expenses to be paid,
can he make it through? can he still provide the best?
the mother sighs,
she's been counting the budget for foods,
thinking of what will they eat in the middle of the month,
thinking of the household needs,
will she manages? can she cut down everything?
they know that sooner or later,
it will come to this situation,
but its so hard for them,
will there be a helping hand?
answers to all their worries?
night sleep is far beyond comfort,
once the day start,
new problems will arise,
in their small prayer, with faith in God,
they can only hope for strength,
to endure the hardship,
they can only pray,
for a better tomorrow,
God, please bless the poor...
-Amen-

-on being far away from a place called home..

*you start to appreciate your family more*
*you miss them*
*you start to wish to be with your dear friends*
*you cherish them*
*you start to plan what to do at home later*
*you plan the unplanned*
*you start to crave for your mom's cook*
*you realize that it is the best*
*you start to find comfort whenever misfortunes fall*
*you notice how family cures you*
*you start to find ideas what to do with your siblings*
*you treasure them*
*you start to search for warm surroundings*
*you feel secure there*
*you start feeling homesick*
-like me now-
p/s:it always during period of exam preparation this feeling creeps in..

-A celebration of love...

to my dearest mom,

i know that you'll never got to read this, but who know one day Boboy might find out his big bro blog and read this to you.. i know that this year we didn't celebrate your special day together ma, and i couldn't do anything for you either.. i'm far away and this have been for quite a while.. i miss u ma, and everyone at home too.. thanks God just now you told me lil boboy had made a card for you.. isn't that cute... at least something sweet for you today..

"I never went to school beyond the 3rd grade, but my mother taught me the difference between right and wrong."~Joe Lewis

you know what i love about u ma? i love your smell, its a mother's smell that is very nice and sweet.. i love to smell your hair and your skin when when we embraced..its only at that time i felt like a little boy once more.. who love to be at your side always.. its not that now i didn't like it.. well, you know being an adult has somehow influenced me to be like one.. i don't want to be like that.. i love being a kid when i'm with you.. not when i'm around with the society, i have to act accordingly to the needs.. but with you, i can always be me..

"The mother's heart is the child's school-room." ~Henry Ward Beecher

i admit that though i'm the eldest of all your children but i'm always the sensitive one.. guess that one i got it from pa, isn't it?.. hehe.. i wish to be strong like you.. in every difficulties that you faces, you handle it carefully.. thats unlike me who sometimes do things in rush.. i'm still learning.. though in mind you got a thousand thoughts, never once you'll burden us.. you did your job well ma.. though you didn't got paid at the end of the month, still you are doing your best everyday.. must be a tired job isn't it ma?

Being a full-time mother is one of the highest salaried jobs... since the payment is pure love. ~Mildred B. Vermont

i believe God has been very kind to me by giving me a mother like you.. to be raised in a family like i have now has shaped me what i am today.. and i'm grateful for it.. listening to your voice already soothes my worries and lifts my burdens.. guess that's why the counselor job is never being used at school.. your words are more powerful coz it comes from the heart out of love and sincerity.. not as an obligation that as mother you should say certain advices.. theres never a guide book or a modul for you to become a mother.. you happened to be just what you are since the moment you knew i was inside you.. a gift to every women.. a job as a mother..

A mother is a person who seeing there are only four pieces of pie for five people, promptly announces she never did care for pie. ~Tenneva Jordan

On this day ma, i wanna you to remember that all of us, your family love you.. yet, believe me it is not only this day ma but it has been long time ago and will continue on.. never fade never lost coz i guess your name is already what forms our hearst today..that's why you'll never be away from our hearts.. Thanks ma.. You are the best!!!

The sweetest sounds to mortals given
Are heard in Mother, Home, and Heaven.
~William Goldsmith Brown

XOXO, your son...

-its sweet..

i just read a post in Yasmin Ahmad's blog which i found pleasingly sweet..
now, will i found someone whom i can spend my life with like them..
yeah, everybody searching for love, some found them some will not..
and this poem could be an excuse for me...

You can't hurrry love.No, you just have to wait.

Because love don't come easy.It's a game of give and take.
You can't hurry love.No, you just have to wait.

You got to trust, give it time.No matter how long it takes.

-source unknown..

but they do reminds me of my parents..
my father has this naughty attitude (thats what i called it)..
he always picked on my mother telling us that my mother has a boyfriend
at our kampung, her boyfriend a bus driver who comes to Budaya Restaurant,
her boyfriend this and that.. its all a bluff we know, and then one day while
on our way back home he explains the reasons why he always teased my mom..
its simply because if there's no such thing like that the relationship would be mundane..
ok.. that's my father thought alright.. sometimes you see,
we don't have to search so far to learn about something..


and now my mum is currently at kampung for her long holiday..
doing what? she's help my uncle menoreh getah coz she said she's bored
to be at home doing nothing.. and my father at first didn't really like her to be at
kampung for a long period coz they seldoms apart.. my father is a bit sensetive you see
(now you know where i got that perangai kan hehe)..
guys, believe me, if your parents are still together and live well,
they can be your great teacher on relationship..
cheers!!!

Armageddon...

i've just finished wathing armageddon.. yea2.. i know that movie is kuno already..

the truth is i never got the chances to watch one... a great movie of course..

like the part where the father and daughter have their last chat..

God.. who really have the caurage to die for somebody else sake??

me???sincerely i'll only know when such situation happens..

i don't wanna talk big that i could and i will but when the time

comes cuak pulak.. aigoo.. no no..

i've been lazying inside my room this past few days.. one thing i'm weird about USM is they know that there'll be a lot of holidays until New Year.. still they made the registration in the middle of Dec.. i only have one class this week and being early here kinda made me thought that it's better for me to come late to campus.. aisshh.. registration punya pasal have to come early jugak... (-_-)"

our CUS have been practising last minute Christmas carol for the church..

guess that we're going to have some carolling to some of the parishioners' houses too..

"we wish you a merry christmas,

we wish you a merry christmas,

we wish you a merry christmas,

and a happy new year"

yea2.. lagu wajib.. though i never got any praise for my voice or whatsoever,

it's the christmas spirit that matter right??

though Christmas here ain't got any things to be joy of,

(at kampung i can dangdut with my mama and grandma sekali bah). heh2..

it's time like this being a home is way much happier..

neway, i wanna say that i love my family vere much more than anyone in this world,

you wanna why?

-i made our big labi2 inside the toilet gone because of my very genious act of putting

the labi2 in a shallow pail.. they've been with it for years already..

(they didn't mad at me at all, i've been expecting i'll get some words from their mouth but up to the last day they didn't say a thing.. SO SORRY aaa)

-my mama still make some time during my last day at Kch to make my favourite kek hati parik though she went back home 10pm++ from work since morning.. i help a bit though.. but the act of doing something for me before i leave really makes me touched..

-all my siblings have been great to me though sometimes i'm kinda moody or anything but still they are my best hurt/tired healer..

-and most of all because they are my family...

"your family will never deceive you, nor will they leave you,

they'll stay with you though the rest of the world walks out,

they'll understand you even if you didn't say a thing,

they love you for you are, not because of who they expect you to be,

a family's love is simply the purest love"

i did gave them a christmas present during my last day, a key chain to each of them..

i'm not ashamed if i'm being laballed a family type kinda guy coz they matter much more to me..

see because of the boredom that i felt, i've written a long post already..

after this i don't know wether i'm going to watch more movie or surf the net..

we'll see.. k guys.. if anybody care to read my lousy post.. thanks ya..

k nite..

~ad astra per aspera~

-a rough road leads to the stars-

ARMAGEDDON